Shaved beavers - A message to James.

It's been a busy weekend in Cumming-on-Flange. The beavers have been infested so had to be seen to! Though how I fitted that in amongst all my other hobbies I don't know!!


Good morning James.

Wow! So many questions lol! You really do want to get to know me inside and out don't you? I shall have a go at answering them all now!

Food - I love alsorts of food James. My favourite has to be Chineese too! Isn't that great? Maybe when we finally meet, we could go for a chineese meal. Would youlike that James? I too like vegetables so that is something else we have in common.

What are my interests? Well as you already know, I am the secretary of the Flange Beaver Society. This takes up a fair amount of my time but it is more than worth the effort. Beavers are so important in Flange and we must do everything we can to make sure they are happy and have a safe environment to live and breed in. Consequently, I spend a lot of time thing about beavers. I just love their soft, warm furriness, even when they are a bit damp! We had a bit of a crisis over the weekend though James. It came to our attention that there was some kind of flea or tic infestation amongst a medium sized colony of beavers that nest near the Flange tributary at Little Muff. As you can imagine, this is a serious matter as infestations such as these quickly spread and become rife. We called upon the members of the society and others in the village to come and help. We captured as many of the beavers as we could and housed them in several sheds in my back garden. We then had no option but to shave all the beavers. A tad drastic you may think, but believe me James, there was no other option. As long as the beavers are fully shaved, the tics have nowhere to hide and keep warm so they die. Anyway, we all set to it and got those beavers shaved. It was quite funny as lots of our male members said they much preffered a shaved beaver though I can't see the attraction myself! Nature gave them fur so in my eyes, they look much better au naturelle!! We finally finished shaving them all by 8:30pm. It was a long and hard job but at least we know we have done all we can to stop the beavers getting itchy and infected. I mean, who wants an itchy beaver eh?

As well as the beavers I do like to do a bit of performing. Twice a month I am one of the leading attractions at our local Burlesque Club. You may be mistaken in thinking that all burlesque performers have to be young, skinny little things. Oh no!  I have a real hard core following who love nothing better that watching me shake my tassels! My stage name is Gaye the Glorious and some of the regulars have even had t-shirts made with my name and picture on them!! One couple who come every month, Kristian and David have matching t-shirts that say "We love a bit of Gaye" on them! Lovely couple they are but I do wish that David would stop putting in requests for me to dance to 'The Red Flag'. It's just not got the right tempo if you ask me.

I also do the usual stuff, reading, taphophilia, listening to music, knitting, gardening, rock climbing, sewing, abseiling, roller blading, seances, train spotting and even occasionally a bit of drawing. What kind of things do you like to do James?

As you know, I am also a psychic so spend quite a lot of time at our local church. My spirit guide Eatshi Tandie will often give me messages for individuals in the congregation that I am more than happy to pass on to them. I am so blessed to have been given the gift of communicating with those who have passed over into the next life. Is there anyone you would like me to contact for you James? If so, please do not hesitate to ask.

You ask what I want to explore with a man? I want to explore everything James. You may find this hard to believe but I am actually still a virgin! I hope you aren't too shocked at this frank confession. I know I was married once but we had 'complications' within our relationship. I shall explain all this to you in a further email at another time as it is linked in with my former husbands death and is quite hard for me to talk about. I do hope you will be kind and patient with me when our time comes as I would hate for anything to go wrong again.

Right my dearest, I have to go now as I have a very busy day. Don't work too hard and keep smiling!!

Much love

Gaye xxxx

Me revealed! - A message to James!

I have sent James some photos of me. I doubt he will have heard of, or seen Mrs Brown's boys so I should be ok! Do you think he will still not care for a womans facial looks?!!



Dearest James.

Thank you so much for your lovely message. It was so heartening to read that you care not for the facial looks of a woman. It's a good job really! I have attached some photos of myself, including one of my friends in the Flange Beaver Society. The people in the Beaver Society photo are (L-R) - Mr Womble-Dung, Mr Moore, Miss Scott (my best friend), Me (in the orange cardigan), Miss Mitchell and Mr Pierce. It was taken in my kitchen during one of my now legendary 'crumpets and strumpets' parties! The one of me and the other lady is myself and my best friend from the society, Miss Scott. She is a lovey woman if a bit of a one for the men! I'm telling you, behind that hair net beats the heart of a Goddess!

Talking of hearts, I do indeed have a good one. It is a loyal and loving heart and who knows James, one day it may be yours!

You ask me if I have any children. Sadly not. This is something I intend to discuss with you in the near future but as it is quite a painful and personal matter, I feel I need to know you a bit better first. Give me time James and you will know all you need to know about me.

So James, please tell me more about your job. I am very interested in finding out more about it and what it is that you do.

As for Yahoo messenger, I don't use it as it installs awful things on your computer that cause it to crash, Maybe I could install MSN messenger if you would like to chat on there sometime?

For now James it is late and I am tired. I have a business meeting in the morning to discuss a new product we are bringing out so need to be awake and on time!

Sleep well my dearest and hope to  hear from you soon if my photos haven't put you off.

Fond wishes

Gaye xxxxxxxxx

Miss Mitchells stuffed beaver! - A message to James.

James you naughty, naughty boy! This is where his words of love came from! (thanks to Doreen for the link!) And to think, I thought he really felt that way!! He wants a picture of me. I have warned him I am not much to look at and will send a picture with the next email.

Good morning James!

Easy tiger! I think you need to slow down a bit here please. I was pretty bowled over by your last message. It came as quite a shock to me to read that you have been having such thoughts and feelings for me already. I am a woman of the world james but feel we need to get to know each other a bit better before we get so carried away.

You have asked me to send you some photos of me. I have been hesitant so far as I am very insecure about my looks. I don't feel that I am an attractive woman James and struggle with my self image. People often think I am much older than I actually am and I am worried that once you see my picture that you won't be interested in me any more. Please James, promise me one thing, if you find me hideously unnatractive you must tell me. I need you to be honest with me about it. I fully understand if you no longer wish to persue a relationship with me once you have seen me. I know a lot of people will say that you don't look at the fireplace when you are poking the fire but I do want you to fancy me. I shall send pictures with my next message once I know that you will be honest with me about it.

Anyway James, how is work going? Are you enjoying your time in London? Have you seen the Queen yet? My friend Wendy has met the Queen! She gave her some badge or medal or something like that, supposedly for doing goood things in the community. I did laugh at that as the Wendy I know much prefers getting drunk, swearing at taxi drivers and demolishing works of art! Takes all sorts I suppose!

The Flange Beaver Society meeting the other night went reasonably well. I managed to keep order but only just. Some of those beaver lovers can be quite hot headed at times and I have to have a strict demeanour to deal with them. We had a guest speaker in to give us a demonstration about how best to stuff a beaver (as deceased one of course). Mrs Tongue wasted no time in getting to grips with Miss Mitchells limp beaver, opening it up and making sure there was nothing in there already. She quickly inserted her hand, right up to her wrist, wiggled her fingers a bit then pulled it back out. She told us that it was essential to make sure everything was in order before getting down to the stuffing. She then grabbed a handfull of the necessary filling and rammed it right up inside Miss Mitchells beaver until it was full and could take no more. Well, it was a sight to behold. I don't think Miss Mitchells beaver had ever looked so magnificent! She then sewed it back up and Mr Moore mounted it. Now Mr Moore is not used to mounting beavers but he did a pretty good job and it now takes pride of place in the societies club room.

Well James, I look forward to hearing from you again soon.

With fond wishes

Gaye xxxxxxxxx

Past lives - A message to James.

So, James wants to know about my past life, well he can know about them all!!

Hello again James

It was lovely to hear from you again. I am glad I didn't upset or distress with with the message that was coming through from the young girl and her mother. I am so sorry to hear they all lost their lives in a car crash. That must have been  truely devastating for you. Can I ask what happened?

Now to answer your questions James. Yes, I live alone except for my 5 pet rats, Mort, Doreen, Twanky, Barbara and Lainy. Do you like rats James? I see them almost as my children, I love them so much. As I said before, I too am widowed. This is something I find pretty difficult to talk about but I will tell you about it given time. I have no man in my life James, I am all alone. I do however have lots of amazing friends who keep me company and look out for me.

You asked about my past life. It's funny that you should ask that as recently I have undergone a series of sessions of regression therapy. Do you ever feel like you have lived on this earth before James? I have always had the feeling that I have lived before including having strange dreams and flashbacks to events I was unsure about but seemed familiar. A few weeks ago I decided to do something about this and sought the help of an expert in the field, Dame Kerry Dill - Doe.  Dame Dill - Doe explained the process which involved putting me into a lightly hypnotic state and regressing me backwards through my existence.

Well James. so many hidden memories came flooding back. The first one was of me in a large and luxurious house where I was kept hidden away in just 2 rooms. I was never allowed out, kept hidden away from visitors and only allowed to be in contact with the staff of the house assigned to look after me. This is because I was the illegitimate child of Kind William IV and one of her servants, a young girl called Emily. I was regressed further and memories came back of being a mother of 6 children who all died of the plague in 1665. The emotion I felt as I remembered not being able to bury my children as their bodies had to be burnt becasue of the plague was harrowing. No mother should ever have to experience that. The final regression saw me as a country Gentleman of some wealth in the year 1426.  Sadly I died of the 'pox' from having sex with too many loose women. It was so interesting being able to make sense of these dreams and memories. So James, that is my past life in a nutshell! Have you ever been regressed at all? I would recommend it to anyone!


Right, I must go as tonight is the AGM of the Flange Beaver Society and I have to be there to take notes and make sure all is done in accordance with the rules. Old Mr Womble-Dung and Mrs Doyle often come to blows about the best way to groom a beaver so I have to step in and keep order lol!

Have a pleasant evening James and chat soon!

Gaye xxxxx